Mollycoddled

Yesterday, while we were at the park on the swings, a grandmother and her granddaughter arrived to play. As often happens, the grandmother, while chatting away, asked me if the bubster was our only child. Weighing up my mood and the likelihood of seeing this person regularly (I've seen her before), I politely chose this answer, "He's our only living child. He has a brother and two sisters who died." Abrupt perhaps, but it's our life.

She said, "Oh, dear." And then with only a beat between, states, "He must be very mollycoddled then", her tone suggested distinct disapproval of this particular parental practice.

What the hell is mollycoddled? Whew, sounds negative. I decided to look it up:
mol·ly·cod·dle

v.tr. mol·ly·cod·dled, mol·ly·cod·dling, mol·ly·cod·dles

To be overprotective and indulgent toward.

A person, especially a man or a boy, who is pampered and overprotected.

Yep. Negative.
Edited to add: I hadn't realized it was directed so pointedly at boys.

Lets see....Overprotective. I don't let him run out in the street. He has to hold my hand when we are in parking lots. I want to be able to see him in playgrounds. He rarely has a babysitter. He does not ride in cars with other people. I try to not expect more from him than his age would allow. He is only 3 1/2. To me, this seems sensible, not overprotective.

Next. Indulgent. Hmm. He doesn't have a whole house full of toys. We are however very particular about what toys he does have and some of them would be considered expensive (i.e., indulgent?). We have chosen the best school for him (in our minds), which others may see as an expensive indulgence. In parenting, we try not to be punitive but it has happened when patience has run low. Some may consider listening to a child indulgent if they think children should be 'seen and not heard'. So I guess that one is a possibility. But is it all bad?

Next. Pampered. Hugs and kisses? Yep, lots and lots. Allowed to cry. Most definitely. Required to 'stand up and take it like a man'. Never. Corporal punishment? Not if I can help it. Expectations of being cordial to people? Yes.

So. What was my response to "He must be very mollycoddled then." I thought for a moment and simply said, "He lives a realistic life." There isn't much that can be denied about that.

I'm not even exactly sure what "a realistic life" means but it seemed the right response. I hate when a person states something negative in relation to the bubster's life, especially while he is sitting there listening. So I don't honour the negativity by engaging in it in front of him. It's my little existential exercise. I exist, therefore I am.

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