Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The bubster turns 4 years old

IPB Image
Remember this little guy?
The one who looked so much like Søren at birth?

Well, he has turned into this big little guy.
I guess that is what 4 years will do.
IPB Image

Time moves effortlessly and without consciousness for these little people but for me, one blink and it's gone. It's hard for me to not focus on this time warp thing. I feel like I'm always running to catch the bus as it pulls away from the curb. There is this saying, is it by Bette Davis? "Getting old ain't for sissy's." I feel this way about motherhood; it ain't for sissy's. We mothers are strong people. It seems that our hearts take a beating in so many different ways. There are losses to death and losses to growth. They are not the same losses certainly. And with growth there are gains.

Still sometimes I have a hard time looking at photos of my beautiful baby boy. After wanting to hold my take-home baby in my arms for so many many years, I didn't get to have him very long, not because he died but because he grew up to be a big 4 year old boy. And despite how my heart can feel, my most ardent wish is that he just keeps on growing and growing and growing. My heart can accommodate this kind of pain. For we all know so well that what we have now may be lost to us in the future. Nobody knows this so well as a bereaved parent I think.

So, 4 years. Blink! I can barely carry him in my arms now!

Will update I hope tonight, on the Pirate-tivities! And also, it's time for the birth story. Stay tuned.


Kelly said...

you have such insight and a wonderful way with words. happy 4th birthday to you all.

Leah said...

Many Happy Returns Magnus! You are so loved and celebrated, both today and everyday. x*

kate said...

Happy Birthday Magnus! It is hard to believe it has been 4 years already!

Lissy said...

When I see him as a baby I just want to inhale that wonderful baby smell & touch the soft downy hair...

It sure aint for sissys!!