Friday, November 20, 2009

Adoption stuff

I don't talk about it much, but the Hubster and I are in the process of adopting internationally. It's a long process. Hence, the lack of things to say about it from me.  I just really don't know what to say and feel hesitant to go into it much, in case we just don't make it in the end. I guess it's a self-preservation mechanism.

But to share a little background, we'd started this process well over two years ago in NSW. We'd prepared our application for the NSW adoptions unit but since we were moving to the ACT, we were advised to wait to hand it in there. We mistakenly thought our file would easily transfer over. It didn't. When I called the ACT unit after our move I was politely informed that we'd need to prepare a new application after a waiting period of 6 months to establish residence. So what could we do, we waited. Then the new application had entirely different requirements so it really was like starting all over again. We got that in just after Christmas last year. We finally completed all the required home visits and at the end of this July, we were approved by the ACT Adoptions Unit. That feels like a huge accomplishment in itself!

About a month later we were finally given our package to prepare our dossier for the Philippines. We'd hoped to have it all in before embarking on our trip to the states in October, but in that available month's time I got a bronchial infection, Kieron had a job interview (got the job by the way) and then we had to prepare for the trip. It didn't get done. It feels like the tortoise and the hare here! We just keep plodding along!

So, we've been back exactly 2 weeks. Time to get the ball rolling again I think. This week, I've been periodically working on my Self-report questionnaire, one of the documents required to complete the dossier. Questions range from asking about my childhood/family experiences to what dreams I had the night before. The last question is:

If you suddenly have a two week paid vacation, what is the first thing you will do?

I don't know why, but this stumps me a bit. Hmmmmm. I'm probably thinking about it too hard.

What would you do on your two week paid vacation? 


willywagtail said...

Probably get sick and waste it mooning around. Then when I got better I would read and sew and eat chocolate. I doubt if that helps any! They are probably after seeing if you are a normal stable person. Cherrie

Cathy {tinniegirl} said...

That is a tough questions. Especially when you know people are making assessments on your answer.

The answer for me could go one of two ways. I'd either take off for a holiday somewhere relaxing, or I'd have a fabulous time at home with days of creativity, cooking and reading.

laura said...

They probably want you to say you'd volunteer at a leper colony or help out at a soup kitchen or some other wonderful selfless thing! I mean, what a crazy question!!! Best wishes, I hope this works out for you.

forward tumble said...

oh my goodness
I've been self employed for 15 years+ and before that I was never in employment that had paid holidays and I I truly and honestly have absolutely no idea what it is like to have a paid holiday!

So my answer to that would be that due to my work circumstance I do not have to to wait two weeks to do what I want to do, so the best answer I can give is I would continue to live as I always do. But if I had someone give me money to the equivalent of two weeks work I would spend that money on the adoption fees etc. I have to set my priorities and having children stands way above/before going on holidays or anything like that.

Does that make me not normal and unstable?

This is why I haven't embarked on this adoption journey yet, I all these questions...
being judged by your peers...

I wish you soooo much strength and happiness inside to go ahead and achieve and bring home another baby.

Much love

Karin said...

I know. It's a stumper. And it annoys me too - that this would be a question on the list.

I've got a variety of possibilities, depending. I could stay home too and enjoy myself sewing - but that is what I already do. LOL

I was thinking my true answer would be that I'd seek out a craft retreat or a dance workshop. Someplace in nature where I'd have the luxury of learning something new with like-minded folks. But then what about the family? Cause this would just be for me! What kind of mother leaves her children behind to go to a craft or dance workshop? LOL!!

Do I answer with the selfless answer (soup kitchen LOL!!) or the selfish answer. Sigh...........

willywagtail said...

I just read your profile. You are incredible to keep your chin up after all your losses. My heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry. I only had two miscarriages before my first was born with a congenital flaw. I only know how incredible breaking that is. Hug your little man for me. He is a great camera maker! Cherrie PS I like forward tumbles answer. That makes sense.

Karin said...

Thank you Cherrie. I'm so sorry for your losses too. I wish no one had to go through this kind of pain. It is breaking, just like you said.

I like Ines' answer too, to continue to live as I already do. It's what I keep coming back to (after the craft getaway LOL)

Lissy said...

Scratching my head about those questions...I mean, come on "what dreams did you have". That's to weed out the psycopaths or something? "Oh I dreamt I was stabbing someone...woops, I mean, I dreamt I was picking flowers, skipping along a path chasing butterflies..." ?????
2 weeks paid vacation - we just did that. Threw some clothes into the car & headed off for a holiday. But in hols we make little lists of things we hope we'd like to do - but normally don't get to when it's busy. Things like: have morning tea in a local park, visit the pool then have ice cream together, cook our favourite foods & have friends over, visit a local attraction (art gallery, museum etc), walk, ride scooters, bushwalk, have an art day, a water day (summer), a backwards day (icecream for breakfast & breakfast for tea), make a book together etc etc etc...if we get at least 2 things done in the hols we're happy. Normally by the holidays as I look around this bomb site I think about all the mundane chores that I should be doing. You should see the mess around this computer...uggg.

((((hugs)))) Karin.

P.S. I saw Hugh Jackman's wife on TV the other morning getting angry about how hard it is for families here who find it so hard to adopt - she was going to Canberra to protest straight to the top I think. I struggle to get my head around the fact that there are so many needy young children & a wall of paperwork between them & potential families who would love & care for just seems ridiculous!!

Karin said...

Hi Lissy, I would have loved to see that segment with Hugh Jackman's wife. What show was that?

LMAO about the dream possibilities. Then there are the sex dreams, what about those? (or am I the only one who has those....) Not to mention the dreams about having to use the toilet which are meant to wake you up to use the toilet!

Wow, your list is great. I love the backwards day idea. M. would LOVE that! I'm going to work on a list like that now. Fantastic.

Cindy said...

Why can't you do both. You have 2 weeks so a little you time and a little family time. Best compromise I reckon

Lisa said...

Hi Karin,

I'm so glad to hear that you are pursuing adoption. I didn't want to ask, but I was hoping just this -- that this was going on quietly in the background. Hugs, and hope these bureaucrats realize what a great catch they have in you!
Aaargh, makes me so mad that you have to jump through so many hoops. It's a lot of biological parents who need this type of scrutiny, hey!

Okay, so I think you should say you'd like to take a family vacation to . .. anything as long as it is family/kid oriented. But, my fantasy is bring lil one with and go to a yoga retreat in Greece, and have enough $$ to hire a sweet Greek woman to take care of her during classes. Oh, hey why don't you join me and our kids can play together while we go to class and relax in the hot springs?! But PAID vacation, hah (what a discriminatory question). That's not happening.



Melanie Gray Augustin said...

Well... if it was just me to consider - that's easy - I'd spend it crafting. If I had a family, maybe a week at home together and a week camping in the mountains somewhere.

Good luck with the adoption process. I'll be watching to see how it goes. We started to research it a bit over a year ago when the Japanese doctors were telling me that I probably couldn't have kids... and well... as you know... they were wrong. Now that hubby has started chemo, she will most likely be our only biological child, so we may be looking into it again.